6 tips on how to have those difficult conversations at work

Avoiding difficult conversations is something that many of us learn from our experiences of the pain felt when we confronted poor behaviour from others.

How can we hold colleagues accountable for changing their behaviour when we do not let them know how their behaviour affects us?

Osmosis?  It’s not a great social tool to build relationships.

 Sound familiar?

A co-worker of yours rarely achieves deadlines, talks loudly and often. Frequent talk about social life, lots of gossip about others’ social lives, about how easily others take offence, about – well anything really.

 Do we confront this person?

Usually not.

‘It’s like telling someone they have bad breath.’ Was how one person described their experience. ‘You don’t do it. You know you leave some mints on their desk – ask who had garlic for dinner last night – but eventually you just keep your distance.’

Keeping your distance may be a useful action to take – and sometimes it is not enough – you need to talk!

6 tips on having those difficult conversations – respectfully

 Acknowledge that there will be differences in how you and others see things

• We all have to get on with a wide range of people at work – colleagues, customers, suppliers – you won’t like them all – we just need to work together respectfully

When it is important let others know how you feel in a direct and non-threatening way

• Create a basis for looking collaboratively not combatively at what you are choosing to be concerned about

Talk about the impact the situation has had on you

• Look people in the eye – let the facts and your feelings talk and not your judgement of what happened

Ask how the situation has affected them

• Many hurtful comments are not intended – we all have gaps between what we say and what we do – listen more than you talk

Acknowledge your contribution to the situation

• Someone who does not agree with you may not be wrong

Invite the other person to work with you to make things better

• What would help us to work together more collaboratively?

GUEST AUTHOR

Joe Moore is Managing Director of ProActive ReSolutions Inc – an international company focused on building more respectful behaviour between people.